hey there I'm ash. I'm from Virginia., i dont have much to say. if you want to know something ask.
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rainbowsandunicornsbrooo:

thorxndor:

I was sitting on my friends bed with her when she came out as gay

and I was looking through a Chinese food pamphlet

so I put it down, looked at her and said “I was going to suggest ordering food but I see now you’d prefer to eat out”

and I don’t think she’s ever really forgave me  

The writer of this post, you gained a follower because this is pure gold.

  • Doctor:

    Are you sexually active?

  • Me:

    Yes.

  • Doctor:

    Is there any chance you could be pregnant?

  • Me:

    No.

  • Doctor:

    Are you taking birth control pills?

  • Me:

    No.

  • Doctor:

    Do you use condoms?

  • Me:

    Nope.

  • Doctor (beginning to look concerned):

    Is there a medical reason you can't become pregnant?

  • Me:

    Not that I'm aware of.

  • Doctor (looking even more concerned, now speaking in a condescending tone):

    Then how do you know there's no chance of pregnancy?

  • Me:

    Last I checked, my female partner would have a hard time pulling that off.

Reblogged from derekisnotabadass  86,966 notes

narwhal-noir:

I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”